Friday, 26th February 2021

This Month's Magazine
Do you know how to suck eggs?

Do you know how to suck eggs?

This month we repeat an amusing article written by the Prickly Pair back in 2006.

It does happen that at times we cannot see the wood for the trees and some advice and soul comforting can be helpful, but do “Holistic Lifestyle Consultants” provide the answer?

I would be the first to admit that life can be a bit of a challenge from time to time and I do like to think of myself as one of nature’s more open minded types. In fact it has always been my maxim for life that we should try any avenue that leads to our eventually becoming a better person and not being afraid to ask for help along life’s highway. So what do “Holistic lifestyle consultants” offer that a good spliff doesn’t?

Well it seems, according to one such menace, that, “your thoughts create your reality” and that you can “overcome life’s challenges, using the power of your mind”. Now I am no expert, but haven’t human beings been doing that for themselves ever since they crawled out of the primeval soup? So why have a group of girls, barely out of their teens popped up all over the place and started to presume to tell world weary adults how to live their lives?


Simple, these irritating, spoilt, only child, obnoxious little mares, probably failed at short-hand, hair dressing, baby-sitting or any number of other bimbo pastimes traditionally set aside for them. You have to wonder therefore; just what kind of people would call a young woman with about as much savvy of the real world as a long time Alzheimer’s sufferer to their home for a session of verbal nonsense? I would guess that the clientele fall into just a few categories; old ladies, whose own daughters or  and daughters have abandoned them because they are terminally boring, gullible, like minded souls with a completely dormant organ between their ears and dirty old men!

For a bit of research into life coaching, I looked up a few sites on the internet and amongst all the usual b****cks, the bare bones of the matter seems to be, that there are no recognized certificates or diplomas in the field of life coaching. Well there’s a
surprise! I didn’t think there would be for one minute; so why did the little white witch I had the misfortune to come into contact
with recently, has more letters after her name than a top brain surgeon?

Simple, she used what she later told me was an interior design diploma. Now I have nothing against anybody who makes a living
extracting money from people who should know better; what I do object to is the falsification of qualifications to do so; after
all, any con man/woman worth their salt, should be able to make their living on shear b*****it alone.

I think it is immoral to con your way into someone’s home by quoting a bunch of falsified diplomas. To give them their due however; the majority of these young crones can talk the hind leg off a donkey and it is this confidence, built up via a lifetime
of Mummy and Daddy telling them how clever and special they are, that will see them continuing to lead vacuous lives right up
until some poor sod has the misfortune to marry them.

The way some of today’s youngsters seem to be going, you could argue that it is refreshing to see that at least a few young people are pursuing a more spiritual existence; by the same token however, at least with a hoodie the threat of danger is obvious; with an “Holistic Lifestyle Consultant” it isn’t and it is much slower and more painful to be bored to death!

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