Saturday, 4th April 2020

This Month's Magazine
It is not what you know

It is not what you know

But lately it seems to be the case of “It’s not what you know but what hopefully others don’t know.

For instance, when is a pizza not a pizza? When it’s a gourmet pizza! I kid you not; I spotted this advert in a posh Marbella restaurant. I was tempted to ring them up and ask their chef what is a ‘gourmet pizza’.

Is it topped with caviar or smoked salmon? Or is it just a heap of some green garnish piled on top? Come on! Who’s falling for this c..p? A pizza is a pizza, an Italian traditional bread base laced with tomato, mozzarella, and oregano.

Here’s another. When is a chair not a chair? When it’s a collection item or a new season item just as seen in a magazine; a metal framed sort of rocking chair with a piece of long haired fur fabric thrown over it, then it becomes a fusion item with reference to interior design (world class). I did not bother to look for the price, that’s probably
P.O.R. (probably well out of my price range).

I’ll stick to my rocking chair with old fur rug over it. Hey! That’s avant-garde, is it not? And I got mine on the car boot sale for 5€. Well, hark at me! How, before my time, avant-garde am I?

Costume jewellery has been around for hundreds of years. But no, now everybody wants to be a jewellery designer, but not just copies of the real thing in paste. No! Even better; who needs a real gemstone when you can buy a fake from one of hundreds of up and coming designers on the Coast, especially in Marbella? Just imagine! My pretend yellow diamond, surrounded by fake rubies, surrounded by bits of common metal topped by a 10 karats imitation black diamond was designed or commissioned by Pedro J. of Marbella. And who is Pedro J.?


Now you’re famous and even mentioned by the acclaimed critic on contemporary marketing ‘The Prickly Pair’. But could this so ‘up your own a..e’ attitude eventually be their downfall? Yes, it is when people wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak.It’s just as bad as buying fake labels from the looky-looky man or cheap fashion item copies from the Chinese shops. Vanity oh Vanity! Whose downfall will vanity be?

Another service now being offered is, wait for it “fish that treat your feet”. No joke! Apparently, you put your feet in a tank and these fish sort of eat dead skin and things like that. Are they not bottom feeders? Do we really need any more of these on the Coast? I hope they don’t order the wrong fish and get piranhas, what a mess that would be!

Still we have enough of these on the Coast as well. What next? Leeches for rosy cheeks? Anyway, what would we read if not these wonderful descriptions and explanations of everyday objects? The Newspapers? No that’s far too realistic.

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