So where is this pleasure dome?
Nestling quietly in the foothills with uninterrupted views of the magnificent countryside; Alhaurin Prison has become the favourite Hide-out of the rich and famous of the Costa del Sol.
It is not difficult to see why some have decided to head inland and wait for the Heat to die down on the coast. So just what does Alhaurin Prison have to offer for the jet set?
For those used to fine cuisine and the pick of the five-star restaurants of Marbella, Alhaurin Prison Canteen may seem a little rustic. The set menu is probably the best option as it offers a limited but wholesome choice of brown stuffs in a thin gravy.
You may opt to try the Tray meal, this is quite an experience for the first-time visitor and there are strict rules of etiquette involved, though these are usually quick and easy to pick up; there are always a few longterm guests hanging around who are more than happy to explain the intricacies to you.
Once you have been served your meal it is customary to Shuffle slowly to one of the long tables, where, if you are lucky, you will find one of your former colleagues enjoying their chosen repast. However, the dining hall does become rather full at certain times of the day and you may find yourself sharing a table with some of those charming long-term guests; this is the perfect opportunity for you
to practice more of those negotiating skills for which you are so famous, and by the simple act of bartering some of your brown lumpy stuff in exchange for a much lower value potato, you can forge strong, valuable future friendships.
After your meal why not relax over a game of Pool; the tables do become very busy, so be prepared to stump up quite a lot of Snout
to secure a game; however, this can be won back if you are willing to challenge the player already on the table. Make sure you fully
understand the rules before offering to make the challenge and that it is the game of Pool you are referring to; painful mistakes have
occurred in the past when a new guest has offered to pot some balls without making it quite clear he meant on the snooker table.
Moving on to the evening entertainment, a strict dress code operates at all times and you will be expected to wear this years must have suit. Colours for this season tend to be severe, there is a distinct lack of accessories and some of the more well-known members of the Marbella society have been spotted sporting the rather funky ankle tag.
Materials used for this season Look include Serge and heavy cottons, the arrow motif will be big this summer. Another must have is the new line in over the shoulder bags made to look as a Swag, most of the guests have been spotted carrying a Swag bag over their
shoulder at some stage.
One major draw of Alhaurin Prison for the Beautiful People of the Costa del Sol is the peace and quiet. After years of living it up, things have finally caught up with them and for a few, the high life has taken its toll; the manager of Alhaurin Prison has been overwhelmed by the popularity of the place in recent years, “we only really had a few scrotes in the past “he said “but with all these toffs turning up, we have had to smarten the place up a bit, introducing a computer in the recreation lounge”.
This needed link with the outside world has become very popular, especially for ordering surgical inflatable cushions on EBay. It looks as if Alhaurin Prison will be the place to go for some who look for the easy way into society.