I was not that close to my dad yet I did love him and I believe his sudden departure seems to have had an effect on me. I often
get this sudden anxiety at the thought of losing my husband who is so much older than me. He is the only person in my life who is there for me, understands me and also the only person I trust, if something happened to him I don’t think I could cope; our 3 kids are now grown up, but I worry about them too because they are so very close to their dad.
Can you help me to overcome this horrible, depressing feeling?
No, I can’t., but what I CAN do is to share my view based on my field of expertise. Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. Mind you, you may be worrying about something that might not happen as you might die before him, irrespective of age. In my job I have seen this happen more often than I care to mention. However, let’s not discount the fact that he is much older and that nature takes its course.
Fear is good; it’s a sign of things that need attending to. Have you done everything you can now, to protect him? And yourself? Life insurance, end-of-life documents, plans, wills, etc.? If not, take useful action for both of your sakes. Preparing is NOT accelerating but postponing is a recipe for disaster.
If you have done everything you need to take care in the event of his death, then you best need to channel your concern into something more useful. Find some activity that will help you take your mind off that thought. Finding a professional that you trust BEFORE the inevitable is a way of enormously reducing one of the biggest aches at that time…”Can I trust this person?”
Knowing and being prepared with what you will need allows you to further reduce the stress factor. A simple thing like an envelope in a well known place with copies of your passports and NIE as well as the emergency telephones will also be of great help.
Having these few things in place has in many cases considerably alleviated the recurring thought of one’s partner passing and the ache it will create.
On a brighter side, this might be part of the reason why we feel compelled to say “I love you” a lot, there is no point to the fear. Spend time with him, show him you love him, these are actions that will make you feel more connected and able to overcome the anxiety. Such bonds as you describe are unbreakable even after death.
Our bodies stop working, the heart stops beating, the muscles won’t work, and the brain won’t think, but the spirit goes on in our hearts and minds.
I pray this may have helped a little. Please feel free to contact the editor, or us, if you’d like to suggest a topic or need a doubt clarified.
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