My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
When I came back to Dublin I was court marshalled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson - he brought the house down.
Husband: Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you?
Wife: Is that what I do?
Im addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
I didnt know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain.
Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I dont know, but their flag is a huge plus I hate Russian dolls...so full of themselves
I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
Two penguins walk into a bar... which is stupid because the second one should have seen it.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
YES! IT'S TRUE