My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Sometimes... when you cry ... no one sees your tears... sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile... But fart just one time...
I read eating fatty foods was bad for you, so I stopped eating fatty foods. I read smoking was bad for you, so I stopped smoking. I read drinking was bad for you, so I stopped reading.
After a hard days work of making balloon animals and entertaining kids a clown asks his boss if he could have a raise and the boss replied ha, after 20 years of working with you its about time you made me laugh!
This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. Its been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.
My doctor told me today I need to watch my drinking. I now drink in front of a mirror.
My friend said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. So, I threw a dictionary at his face.
My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore. So I said come on, get in the car
were going to the petrol station.
I love blind dates. I spent the whole time staring at her boobs and she didnt even notice.