When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, Youre next. They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says I was taught to be thorough. The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says I was taught to be environmentally friendly. The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says I was taught not to piss on my hands.
There are a lot of people who cant understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, heres the answer: Its simple... nobody bothered to check the oil. Didnt know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. All the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma and Alaska, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Dont even ask me that, when I remember that party..., youre lucky you dont bark.
STRANGE BUT TRUE: