A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, Ive got to take you in, pal. Youre obviously drunk.
Our wasted friend asked, Officer, are ya absolutely sure Im drunk?
Yeah, buddy, Im sure, said the copper. Lets go.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.
A little boy was doing his Geography homework one evening and turned to his father and said, Daddy, where would I find the Andes? Dont ask me, said his father. Ask your mother. She puts everything away in this house.
The man: God, how long is a million years?
God: To me, its about a minute.
The man: God, how much is a million dollars?
God: To me its a penny.
The man: God, may I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.
On wall in ladies room My husband follows me everywhere...
Written just below it I do not.
Harrys wife says, Harry, do these jeans make my backside look like the side of the house?
He says, No, our house isnt blue.