The year you stop believing in Santa Claus is the year you start getting clothes for Christmas.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure.Jesus Christ! he yelled. The woman beside the manger turned to her husband and said, Now, Joseph, isnt that a better name for the kid than Irving?
Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, What are you charged with?
Doing my Christmas shopping early, replied the defendant.
Thats no offense, said the judge. How early were you doing this shopping?
Before the store opened, countered the prisoner.
On New Years Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.