Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.
Julia: That boy is getting on my nerves.
Jean: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Julia: That is what is getting on my nerves.
Did you hear about the karate expert who joined the army? The first time he saluted he nearly killed himself.
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!
Thats great, Sweetheart, said her daddy. Come in to the living room and tell me about it.
Well, began the confession, I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science.
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, Order, order.
The drunkard immediately responded, Thank you, your honour, Ill have a scotch and soda.
A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I used to wonder what itd be like to read other peoples mind. Then I opened an account into social network site and now I am over it.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx
95 per cent of all constipated people do not give a shit!
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.