Friday, 10th July 2020

This Month's Magazine
Virtual Humour

Virtual Humour

And now for some horse meat?

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

Kid: “Papa, are you growing taller all the time?”Father: “No, my child. Why do you ask?”
Kid: “Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair.”
Kid: “Mamma, when the fire goes out where does it go?
Mom: “My dear son, I don’t know. You might just as well ask me where your father goes when he goes out.”

“My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
‘I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’
I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’ “

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill.
Bill: “While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes on like this all night.”
Frank: “That sounds unbelievable. Have you really been there?”
Bill: “No, but my sister has.”

A guide, showing an old lady through the Zoo, took her to a cage occupied by a kangaroo.
“Here, madam,” he said, “we have a native of Australia.”
“Good gracious,” she replied, “and to think my sister married one of them.”

Friend 1: “Did you know that I had taken up story-writing as a career?”
Friend 2: “No, sold anything yet?”
Friend 1: “Yes, my watch, my saxophone, and my overcoat.”

“What’s the matter with your wife? She looks all broken up.”
“She got a terrible shock.” “How was it?”
“She was assisting at a rummage sale at the church and she took off her new €2 hat and somebody sold it for 30 cents.

“What do you find the most difficult thing on the piano?”
“To pay the installments.”



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