Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, Im a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.
The patient says, Give me the bad news first! Doctor replies, Youve got AIDS. Oh, no! What could be worse than that? asks the patient. Youve also got Alzheimrs Disease. Looking relieved the patient says, Oh...Well, thats not so bad. At least I dont have AIDS.
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, How many of you have forgiven your enemies? All responded, except one small elderly lady. Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? I dont have any, she replied, smiling sweetly. Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? Ninety-eight, she replied.
The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world? The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, I outlived the bastards.
Im in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body. Apparently Identify it wasnt the right answer.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's
yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.