The word politics is made up of poli, which is Latin for many, and tics, as in bloodsucking insects.
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well....it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee....I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!
A man walks up one morning with a bad hangover.
Honey, I know I really made a fool of myself last night at the party, I just can't remember what I did.
You got into a fight with your boss.
Piss on him, then! You did, and he fired you.
I don't care! Screw him!
I did. His wife said. You can go back to work next week.
One day a guy comes home from work early and finds his wife in bed with one of his friends. Enraged, he grabs a gun and shoots his friend.
His wife scolded him: You know, if you keep on like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends.
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.
The husband sighs and complains, This is disappointing. It only lasted for three minutes!
Good. replied his wife. Now you know how I always feel.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
A blonde was having financial difficulties and decides that she has to take some serious action, so she goes to the park and kidnaps a young boy and writes a ransom note, 'I have kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the old elm tree and your son will come to no harm', she pins the note inside the boys jacket and sends him home.
Next day sure enough there was $10,000 behind the tree and with it a note saying, 'I cant believe one blonde would do this to another'.