Wednesday, 1st April 2020

This Month's Magazine
Royal v Common?

Royal v Common?

No doubt the wedding will be over by now and the bunting put away. What’s probably starting now is the “is she or is she not pregnant?” questions or “do they look happy?”

What gets me most about this saga is this Royalty v Commoner thing. What does royal mean, what makes royal?

My ancestry has part German in it, am I royal? No, apparently not! Blue blood? No such thing! Getting married and then having affairs? Well if that was the case, most of the world would be royal, especially the M.P.s and football players. What about having money and a tiara? No! Or, many years ago, nicking land and having fights? Well, yes, thieving apparently does it! But, if for instance, if I went to Buckingham Palace, sat on the lawn and claimed it  was all mine, then got enough people to join me could I become queen? No! I would become an inmate at a mental institute.

The Royals are there because we allow it. Well, how many of us had a tax rebate or a lower council tax because the Queen opened her palaces and castles to the public? Certainly not I, I can bloody well tell you! Is the environment better because Charles grows his own fruit and vegetables? No, neither! Did we get less speed cameras because Diana was hounded by photographers? No! And, how come they get to wear so many medals when they never did anything. Oh! Sorry! Andrew flew over the Falklands and Harry and a whole bunch of cameramen were in the desert at one point. Getting a badge to raise money for charity is more difficult these days.

So, Kate or Catherine as she will now be known... Oh! That’s it a change of name will make you Royal! Humm, no! If so, then that annoying midget singer Prince would be Royal, he’d be well a prince! No, and we all know he’s just a p...k. So not that either.


Anyway her mother was an air hostess. Gasps of horror! Well at least someone in the new Royal Circle had a job once, a proper paid job that is. Oh! And they sell stuff on the internet, I wonder if they still will do so now they have a coat of arms. Ha! Ha! A coat of Arms! Will this make one Royal? OK, I’m back! I checked it out and...No! Apparently anybody can buy one. I wonder if the Middletons had a four-leafed clover or someone not walking under a ladder and no sign of a black cat, because, as far as I can tell, Kate’s entry into Royalty was due to luck, it could have been anybody.

Look at Charles, in his case, if it was a case of not anybody, he could change the rules and, hey presto, he could marry Camilla or anyone he wants. So Kate or Catherine, a bit of advice for you. Treat your husband like a commoner. The moment he looks at another woman, take him aside and slap him then her. Because remember, no matter how common they behave or how low they stoop, be prepared to be more common and stoop even lower. Like any marriage keep you man in his place, whoever he is, it’s no good being a princess unless you’re treated like one.

Well happy marriage, till next time.

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