Wednesday, 1st April 2020

This Month's Magazine


It’s no laughing matter.

Health & Safety turned up yesterday,
poor Santa never knew.
They asked to check his factory
to see what the workers do.

First they walked up the path
and looked at all the snow,
scratched their heads and tutted
¬ďAll this will have to go!¬Ē.

Santa nodded his big red face, complete with a big white beard.
Before the end of the day
he’d make sure that is was cleared.

With glee upon their faces
and eyes now open wide,
they rubbed their hands together
at what they saw inside.

Rows and rows of Elves
were working at full pelt
with all the children’s orders
upon the conveyer belt.

Out came their pens and paper,
books and filling forms,
they walked along the conveyer belt
to see what Elves performed.

They stopped and filled in papers
and said this will not do
as this could harm ligaments and tendons too.

And if this was a problem it could be bad for you, you know.
Santa said he’ll fix it after seeing to the snow.

Then out of the corner of their eyes
they saw a little Elf half way up a ladder
placing toys upon a shelf.

Oh! My God! Has he been trained to climb up to the shelf?
You can’t abuse this little chap
just ¬Ďcause he¬ís a Elf!
Poor Santa looking sadder said he’ll see to it himself.

God! There are tiny people everywhere,
all lifting great big sacks.
You know that they could sue you
if they hurt their little backs?

Santa said he’ll do the sacks
after stacking the shelves himself
and clear the snow upon the path
so as not to damage the Elves.

Then one of them went Brrr..
it’s cold in here, inside,
Can you imagine the trouble if a little Elfie died?

Santa said he would see to it
and would open up the fire.
All the men just stared at him
as if he were a liar.

Now tell us, Mr Santa,
how do you deliver?
This made poor Santa start to sweat
and send down his spine a shiver.

They eyed up the sleigh with glee
then he heard them say:-
Oh, my God! Those poor reindeer!
Call the R.S.P.C.A.!

So if you wake up on Christmas morning
and Santa never came,
send a letter to Elf & Safety,
it’s them that are to blame.


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