Tuesday, 7th April 2020

This Month's Magazine
Would you believe it?

Would you believe it?

Trading Standards? What about deceving adverts?

Is it just me? Am I the only person sitting at home scrutinising adverts? Am I the only person who doesn’t believe a word they are saying? Or is this something we do at a certain age?

Do you find yourself reading the small print at the bottom of the screen? For instance, what about Cheryl Cole? You know, the one “because we’re worth it” advert. Worth what exactly, when at the bottom of the screen it states that she is wearing hair extensions? Does this mean that the shampoo doesn’t work that well on real hair? No, really!

Did you see the one about the extra long eyelashes? Look at the bottom of the screen where it clearly states that lashes inserts are added. Fake is what it means, so why bother with mascara?

What about the new one with Cheryl Baker? I think you know her out of Bucks Fizz, advertising some slimming meals. What I don’t understand is that in the “before” shot she is fat with bulges showing through a ridiculous dress. Then, next, after the slimming meals, she is slimmer all right, but she looks like a piece of pork wrapped in one of those elastic nets and the dress must have shrunk as well or else it would be hanging off of her. Do they really think that fat people have smaller brains?

Then there is the advert about the new soap dispenser that you don’t have to touch. It states that as you don’t need to push it you won’t pick up any bacteria on your hands. I find myself shouting at the T.V. because surely, after pushing the dispenser’s knob, you are going to wash your hands anyway and so is the next person to use it.


Then there is the woman who loves a clean kitchen surface so she uses the miracle product to wipe off about 5 years of built up grime. Was she leaving the grime for so long just waiting for the product to become available? Dirty Cow! Or the woman that slops raw chicken over her surfaces and then needs an anti-bacterial spray to clean up the mess. She needs more than a spray to end her problems, she needs a slap for being so stupid.

It all seems like scare tactics to me; your kids will be poisoned if you don’t use these products on everything. Next they’ll invent one to spray in the kids’ mouth to kill germs before they swallow.

And here’s a thing! What would you do if you were quietly getting on with your washing and a man appeared and started fondling your  laundry? ” Vanish!” You bet! What a perv!

How annoying is the bran flakes advert? Who and where are these women who can push away cream cakes, chocolate and all number of goodies and go for a bowl of what is best described as “soggy flakes of cardboard”. Oh! But they contain bits of disgusting dried fruit. Better? Not! So, if you replace all good things with the said soggy cardboard, you will lose weight… and the will to live. We don’t need pathetic adverts to tell us how to lose weight, we already know how. I am waiting for the products that taste like the real fattening foods but with the same amount of calories as bran flakes and lettuce leaves. That I’ll buy!

In conclusion, ladies, you won’t have hair like Cheryl Cole because even Cheryl Cole doesn’t – it’s fake. You won’t have lashes like Kate Moss, well you could because they’re fakes. You can’t be slim like Cheryl Baker because she is not. And, you can only kill 99% of all known germs so when you die of salmonella after using the wonder products no-one can sue because it was that 1% that killed you. Don’t believe everything you hear or see, meanwhile, until next time, keep watching.

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