A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy said, Well, son, it was 1932 during the Great Depression. I was down to my last 5p. I invested that 5p in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10p.
The next morning, I invested that 10p in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20p. I continued this system for a while, by the end of which Id accumulated a fortune of £14.00.
And thats how you built an empire? the boy asked.
Heavens, no! the man replied. Then my wifes father died and left us two million pounds.
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, We were the first in space! The American said, We were the first on the moon! The Blonde said, So what? Were going to be the first on the sun!
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. You cant land on the sun, you idiot! Youll burn up! said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, Were not stupid, you know. Were going at night!
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, What are you up to there, Little Johnny?
My goldfish died, replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, and Ive just buried him.
The neighbour was concerned, Thats an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isnt it?
As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied, Thats because hes inside your cat.
A couple are in the throes of a divorce, and are attending court over the custody of their young son.
In order to properly assess the situation, the judge takes the young lad into chambers; Would you like to live with your mother? asks the judge. No says the lad, she hits me. So then would you like to live with your father? asks the judge.
No says the lad again, he hits me too! Well who would you like to live with? asks the judge. Id like to live with Nottingham Forest Football Club says the lad.
Nottingham Forest Football Club! exclaims the judge, hardly believing his ears Why on earth would you possibly want to live with Nottingham Forest Football club? he asks.
Because they never beat anybody!!!
YES IT'S TRUE