Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he ll fall asleep before you finish.
Do you have a book called Man, The Master of Women?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Theres a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. Its called marriage.
I joined a health club last year, I spent about 400 quid and havent lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
We all get heavier as we get older, because theres a lot more information in our heads. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman wholl predict her future:
- Lady, Im sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
- Dont tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!!
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after the 50th floors says, So far so good!
A student comes to a young professors office hours. Sshe glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. I would do anything to pass this exam.
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. I mean, she whispers, I would do anything.
He returns her gaze. Anything?
Anything. His voice turns to a whisper. Would you... study?
YES IT'S TRUE