Thursday, 16th July 2020

This Month's Magazine
Virtual Humour

Virtual Humour

Just a few giggles for October 2009


In the good old days before computers
Memory was something you lost with age.
An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor was someone who used profanities.
A keyboard was a piano.
A web was a spider’s home.
A virus was the flu.
A CD was a bank account.
A hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy you would not talk about it.


Words of WisdomDo not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just buzz off and leave me alone.
Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgement comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgement.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.... Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on your ass ... then things just keep getting worse.




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