Wednesday, 15th July 2020

This Month's Magazine

"Fake it!" Say the Prickly Pair

"Good Heavens! Those lookie-lookie men down the various ports up and down the coast must be richer than I thought!".

I just read that the designer goods industry is losing about 9 billion pounds a year because of fakes.

The same article also gives us some advice on how to tell it’s a fake. Apparently paying only €10 for a pair of Gucci glasses after bargaining Mr Lookie down from €15 is not enough of a sign that they are fakes. Der!!

I also assumed that Victoria Beckham, Ivana Trump, Kate Moss and their type would normally wear the real thing while the cheap, low class old dogs hanging around the port, drunk wear the fakes. May be I got it wrong but I don’t think so. Anyway I would assume that if they paid around €12.99 for a pair of shoes, their Dior glasses with diamonds are definitely a fake.

Personally I would never buy through eBay. I can’t really knock it but if I was offered an 8 karats diamond ring for €15, my alarm bells would ring; or is it just me?

There was another tip on the same article; it said: “check that the designer jeans are an actual photo of the jeans and not just a photo taken from the designer’s website”. Surely, if I was going to con someone, the photo I would place on eBay would be the photo of an original, and, after receiving the cash, I would then send out the fakes. It also says that you should check the tag inside the jeans, but what if the con artist also placed a photo of the real designer’s tag on the site? Der, again!!

Personally, I would not want to buy a fake, but if it were not for fakes, common women would never get to feel better than they really are. Anyway, if it is really that difficult to spot a fake, does it mean that the fakes are as good as the real thing? If so, why are the real goods so expensive and exquisite if four year olds in India can make them just as good?


Let me pass on a tip. If half way through a DVD, bought from the said Mr Lookie man down at the port, you see people’s shadows walking in front of the film, the chances are it is a fake, as if paying €3 did not already start your alarm bells ringing.

Another thing if Mr Lookie man buys 100 pairs of Gucci sunglasses that would cost him thousands of Euros, so now listen carefully: - why would he sell them for €10? If he could afford to buy original Gucci glasses he would not have to drag around the port all night with all those glasses and certainly not alongside some 15 ebony elephants and an armful of fat ladies dresses (one size fits all).

But still why stop at fake sunglasses? Why not fake boobs, 3 for the price of 2? Fake nails, fake hair - oh no that is acceptable, fake pout lips? Why pick on designer goods on eBay?

And what about all these dating sites? “Athletic, good looking, caring man seeks lasting relationship”. Well come on ladies!” Is that the biggest fake going?

Or “Cuddly, homely mature women” Fake! It really means fat old hag, still not taken, getting desperate. O.N.O. W.A.A. (will accept anybody).

So for a bit of advice, Designer Labels lower your quality. Lower your prices and you could be €9 billion better off between you if Mr Lookie can do it so can you.

Save your fake prices for your fake celebrities.

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