Thursday, 28th May 2020

This Month's Magazine
Virtual Humour

Virtual Humour

Just a few giggles on the Costa del Sol









W.C. Fields had a gift for memorable phrases. A few are:

  • “On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia”, when asked what he would like his epitaph to read.
  • “I am free of all prejudice. hate everyone equally”
  • In reference to Charlie Chaplin: “The son of a bitch is a ballet dancer. He’s the best ballet dancer that ever lived and if I get a chance, I'd strangle him with my bare hands”.
  • When asked, late in life, if he believed that there was intelligent life on other planets, he remarked: “There better be, there’s none on this one!”
  • “A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for”
  • “Start your day with a smile and get it over with”
  • When the Japanese struck Pearl Hharbor, Fields brought a hand truck to a liquor store and bought 6 cases of gin. When a friend saw him returning, he asked why he bought 6 cases. Fields replied. “think it’s going to be a short war.”
  • “A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.”
  • “it reminds me of my journey to the wilds of Afghanistan. We lost our corkscrew and had to survive on nothing but food and water for several days.”
  • “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
  • “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite. And furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
  • Upon being asked “Do you like children?” he once replied: “Ii do if they’re properly cooked.”
  • “Marriage is better than leprosy, because it’s easier to get rid of”
  • “There comes a time in the affairs of men, my dear Blubber, when you must grab the bull by the tail and face the situation.”





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