I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a petrol station. And then the fight started...
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women ' ?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Theres a way of transferring funds That is even faster than electronic banking.
Its called marriage.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 Euros. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at 7000 per month.
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her Tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
Can you answer these questions?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there especially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
YES, IT's TRUE