Friday, 5th June 2020

This Month's Magazine
Cindy or Barbie Girl? Ask the prickly Pair.

Cindy or Barbie Girl? Ask the prickly Pair.

So Barbie is 50 years old this year! Wow! And again we hear how good she looks, how slim, elegant, etc.

No wonder! She never married Ken as they split up in 2004 and never had any -you ruined my figure- kids, she has plenty of money and a wardrobe to die for. Oh! And one more point, she is a plastic doll.

There are plenty of wanna-be plastic Barbies, often spotted around and about and in nightclubs most weeks-ends. Just like Cliff Richard’s song ‘Living Doll’ (spooky).
The thing is that these living dolls don’t look so good after 50 years. No they would be more like a Cindy, you know, with the sparse Bouffant Blonde hair do and the not so bendy arms and legs. Well what do you expect for 50 plus? Surely instead of Barbie like accessories theirs consist of a few of those things that, according to TV Ads apparently stop you peeing yourself while riding a bike or during uncontrollable laughing, or an emergency lip plumper. What’s that? Perhaps miniature bicycles pump, a box of Sanatogen multi vitamins, a tube of ‘Deep Heat’ and plasters for the feet.

So here’s a tip for you. While dancing or attempting to look sexy on the dance floor, if you either piss yourself or pull a muscle, if your feet swell up and can no longer contain themselves in your sparkly strappy sandals or if you pull various muscles and your lips go flat from the tension caused by the grimace of pain, not the pouting – Don’t do it!

I truly believe this is nature’s way of clearing the dance floor for the younger models; you know! Procreation and all that! It’s nature’s way for younger, better looking animals to have to fight the older creatures to become leaders of the pack and to have the pick of nooky with the opposite sex and therefore continue with the existence of the species.


With us being human, old Mother Nature has her own ideas of natural selection. Thank God! Can you imagine all that extension pulling, false nails flying and exertion leaking all over the disco and nightclub floors? Not a pretty sight and not very Barbie like at all!

Here is a test for you. On March the 9th 1959, Barbie emerged wearing a black and white swimsuit. Barbie can still fit into it. Can you still fit in yours? Oh, but I do mean that Barbie can wear it and still look good in it. Can you?

No, it don’t count if you reached 50 and just shrivelled up like a walnut, technically it would still fit but if you look like those dried up pigs ears I buy for my dog, it don’t count. Let’s not even mention the sandals.

Another thing which will confirm that with all the sucking and tucking in the world you will never be a Barbie is that she has had over 100 careers ranging from flight attendant to astronaut, so the chances are that even if you are incredibly young and bear a passing resemblance to Barbie, she would still beat you hands down career-wise. The chances are that you are probably aiming for one career and that is to be a footballer’s wife or at least eye candy to a wealthy man. Anyway most collectors of Barbie dolls are probably gay men so, even if you are a real life living doll, you still don’t stand a chance.

So, until next time doll remember, if you want plastic, nick your husband’s credit card, its so much easier.

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