Sunday, 19th November 2017
THE PRICKLY PAIR Article
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This Month's Magazine
Hold the front Page! (Not)

Hold the front Page! (Not)

The Prickly Pair comment on some of the most recent news.

So hands up any of us that needed the front page of newspapers to tell us that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand were twats?
Russell Brand; was he not the one that became famous for something and then wrote a book called my Booky Wook? Well Russell now you can bring out the sequel and call it something along the lines of “Russell twitty twatty got the sakky sakky!

And what about the other one? Jonathan ‘Woss’! Quite frankly I was quite surprised he knew how to use an answering machine. I once heard he never made calls, not since he tried a ‘weverse’ or ‘twansfer’ charge and spent days looking for the ‘wecall’ button.

Ross and Brand always strike me as a kind of school kids, you know, the pathetic mummy’s boys that resort to doing stupid things to try to become popular. The kind of pathetic boys only their mothers find amusing. Brand apparently brags about having over two thousand lovers. What surprises me most about this is that Brand can actually add up, or as I suspect, make up.

Anyway, back to my original point. Do we really buy a newspaper to read this c—p? Still, I suppose it makes a change from the credit crunch.


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Credit Crunch! I assume this means that the richer people will suffer more and the lay at home scroungers who have sucked off of the tax payers all their lives, staying at home and breeding like rabbits with asthma, bad backs or stress, will carry on as normal, because according to them they ‘ain’t got nuffink’, except of course every modern gadget going. Their only worry will come when tax the tax payers dry up.

The Ross and Brand saga also helps to divert our attention away from finding out which MP and politicians are siphoning the most freebies or oils for spoils. No wonder Mandelson always seems so slippery and oily! He seems to suck harder then all the oil pipes in Russia. I bet he’s done some pumping in his time!

Still, I think that, given the chance, we all would milk what we could while we could.  I know I would! It’s only natural, look at the Royals.
Another thing that is beginning to really bore me is the “preachers of hate” (good title for a film, I think).

Surely, one way to stop their gatherings is to send in the Health and Safety Brigade:

1. The many long frocks can hamper swift evacuation in case of fire.
2. All those hooked hands must carry a risk and can have someone’s eye out.
3. The persistent use of walking canes that could be used as dangerous weapons should be banned; anyway someone could trip over them.
4. The removal of shoes can cause a verruca epidemic.
5. Long beards with out of date food lurking in them are a health & fire hazard.
6. All that prayer bending surely is not good for your back, hence so many walking sticks. Anyway they are obstacles over which someone can trip over.

Who needs terrorist squads? Just send in Health & Safety, they’ll soon have it closed down or charge so much insurance they would not be able to stage their gatherings or pay the preacher.

Till next time.



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