Wednesday, 15th July 2020

This Month's Magazine
Teen.Age-Ya (You bet they do)

Teen.Age-Ya (You bet they do)

The Prickly PairÂ’s advice on teenagers

Summer over, kids back to school (thank God), personally I am really piÂ…ed off with bored teenagers hanging around, being miserable, expecting 24/7 entertaining, and thatÂ’s just my own.

Why is it that everybody else’s parents are always better than the kids’ own parents? May be this year I will try to get to the P.T.A. and force through corporal punishment, especially for 15 to about 17 ½ years olds at least, may be older in some special circumstances.
Still, this would need some serious pros & cons, not the kid smacking part but the joining the P.T.A. part. Why? You may well ask! First I canÂ’t bake a cake, or wear a headband or even keep my trainers pure white and secondly I have a life.

A word of advice to P.T.A. mums: The rest of the parents hate you and donÂ’t give a toss how much you have raised, even if you did raise enough to buy extra books for the poorer children or even to save half of Africa. Get a life! Go and boss around your own husband and kids!
May be this is why I hear the government is considering giving financial help to stay-at-home mums, either they want to stop them joining the P.T.A. and arranging P.T.A. meetings every five minutes and feasts, fairs, jumble sales, bazaars every week-end, or, like me, to stay at home and play happy mum 24 hours a day, like something out of “Stepford Wives”. I would need some serious bribing; otherwise I am out of there.

Still if you decide to invest every waking moment for your children, may be you should have a look at the website I read about the other day, apparently, for those brave or disillusioned parents who still want to try and communicate with teenagers, the site translates what is defined as “Teenglish” in the form of a dictionary. “Teenglish” consists of words teenagers use frequently and that we parents cannot understand. The site has translated 96 words. Wow! Kids these days can remember 96 words? That is almost a sentence! Who said that standards in schools have dropped?


Still these sad, stupid teenagers are probably only paying us parents (rants) back in their own language because for years we have been using our own strange language with phrases like: - “Tidy your room!” - “Pick your clothes up off the floor!” – “Shut up, you are not too big for a slap, you know!” Obviously we have been using the wrong language. No wonder they stand looking back at me with their mouth open staring blankly as if they never understand!

Another useful site may well be  I only logged on it because I thought I could sell to them, a bit like eBay but for unwanted teenagers. Then I only joined the video club because it said “Free Willy” on the window, but I came out clutching a kidsÂ’ video about some big fish. Hey ho!   

Still at least the government has its finger on the pulse. The new idea is to bring back cooking lessons in schools. How I remember my cooking classes! The ingredients, the weighing, the mixing… I suppose these days all the kids need to know is the size of chip cartons in burger restaurants – small, medium, or large fries and how to light the griddle. Remember kids, if you are not spotty enough you need not apply anyway.

Another idea is to keep them at school till they are 17. Wow! I like this one! It means they start at about 4 and leave at 17. I would only have to put up with 2 teenage years.
Still, are there not already schools like this for rich people that donÂ’t want the everyday looking after of children? Are these not called boarding schools?

This is another benefit in marrying for money and not just love. Stupid me! Well, too late now! So, if you can actually read, dear teenagers, let me just say: “grow up soon”. You are not that cool or as tough as you think you are, and in most cases not all your parents are a lot tougher and smarter then you think. Don’t know why we love you.

Till next time “Off the hook”

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