Tuesday, 7th July 2020

This Month's Magazine
A right royal Hello!

A right royal Hello!

"Peter Phillips and his bride Autumn Kelly got their wedding paid for by “Hello!” magazine. So what?" Say the Prickly Pair.

It would seem they went against royal tradition and did not get the taxpayers to pay for it instead.

The princes are also unhappy because their lovely royal girlfriends Kate and Chelseee are spread over 20 pages, whereas they are normally spread over newspaper pages for which I have to pay €2.20, which makes me deeply unhappy.

The Queen apparently refused to pose. Not like her normal pictures then? Where she appears gaily laughing, waving and throwing her head back in gay abandon? Not! Anyway, she is not normally known for posing, well perhaps just one pose: wave arm up wave arm down.

So, does it mean that the royal princes William and Harry donÂ’t mind the photos in the newspapers showing them staggering out of various night clubs, disgustingly drunk, yet they object to posing sober and smart at a family wedding? When will they realise they do not have a private life. They are paid for by taxpayers so like a telly license you pay you watch. If they do not like it, they know what they can do.

All I can say is that if I had the choice, when the time comes for my daughtersÂ’ wedding, to pose for half a million quid, I would be posing like a Barbie on speed.

But back to the bit that really annoys me, Kate and Chelseee. Who do they think they are? Kate, who now wants to be called Catherine and who does not mind posing and exposing her horrendous knees on boozy nights out with her equally pathetic friends. Honestly, someone should tell her that knee boots should at least come somewhere near the knee, although with those knees she should stick to trousers and tie back her boring hair.


And Chelseee well what can one say? The less we see of her the better. They both seem to forget they are commoners and always will be, even according to the Royal Family some of whom in my opinion are more common than me as I have never and will never be snapped rolling around drunk in the early hours of the morning, outside some so called posh nightclub.

Labour MP Ian Gobson thinks the British public expect the Queen to rise above being pictured in Hello! She is the Queen after all and not a footballers’ wife! Yes, but she still married Phil the Greek! I know which one I would rather be! Someone from the liberals recons it could even damage the Monarchy. Well let’s take a look at the two sides: - Big expensive wedding paid for by the public? Shrewd deal with “Hello!”, wedding not paid for by the public and some nice colour pictures for sad Royal Lovers to look at? Stupid liberals! No wonder they never get any closer to number 10.

Where was William? Oh, yes! With an ex girlfriend, attending her brotherÂ’s wedding. Like father like son. What is it with Charles and William and their ex girlfriends? Watch out Kate! Remember that Camilla used to be CharlesÂ’ ex.

As I write this Kate is with Williams, apparently, according to royal experts, being groomed for life in the Royal Family. What does this involve, I wonder? Suddenly forgetting who you are and where you came from? Suddenly becoming a royal beauty and a fashion icon? Learning how to crouch down and pretend to be interested in small children and sick people?

Being too busy to possibly get a job?  Pretending not to know you will always be Kate Middleton or Chelseee Davies, two normal girls who happen to have parents with a bit of money, a bit like Posh Spice but more humble?

Till next time, let me bid you a Royal farewell!

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