"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
"Sit down and I'll deal with you later."
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"? It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.