Wednesday, 1st April 2020

This Month's Magazine
The Theaker Theory

The Theaker Theory

This month The Prickly Pair would like to share with you an Email we received from one of our readers. This is a genuine Email, so to protect the identity of the sender we will refer to him merely as Chris Theaker from Sabinillas.

Dear Sir or Madam,
Having been a reader of you Prickly Pear column in Web Express guide I have often found your cynical view of life in Spain somewhat entertaining.
However, I was very disappointed with the last article I read concerning the Da Vinci Code (Web Express, July 06). For a publication to produce such an article full of glaring inaccuracies is outrageous.  Having spent many years studying the subject matter and also having first hand experience in the area discussed I felt compelled to pass comment on what can only be described as a foolish piece of writing.
I too have spent "a couple of years at Harvard" - 8 to be precise, studying the subject and also, like Mr Brown, feel that "faith, religion and history" are important matters that should not be taken lightly and dealt with in such a trivial way as in you article. For a respected publication such as yours to use the terms "popular", "entertainer" and "wee Jimmy Krankie" in the same sentence is not only misleading to readers, but also an out and out lie.
The fact the phrase "Fan'dabi'dozi" has been outlawed in most countries I feel only enforces my views (Although the Queen recently used the phrase when Tony Blair asked about her well-being at the Head of State Luncheon at Buckingham palace).
Additionally, had you bothered to do any research into this subject matter, you will have learned that "wee Jimmy Krankie" was in fact a small boy - thus making your Mary Magdalene connection as tenuous as your belief that Albinos exist anywhere other than in the realms of fantasy and Scotland. Whilst I hope in the next issue you will retract your views and offer a full apology to all your readers, I fear that like so many you will shy away from this sensitive subject and continue with your misguided views.
Angry from Sabinillas




Dear Chris Theaker (name changed),
Thank you for your Email and sorry it has taken so long for me to respond, in my defence may I say, your correspondence went adrift, being lodged shamefully between the many Viagra and penis extension adverts that seem to make up most of the mail I receive, you have in fact been between “A cock and a hard place!”

I have now given quite some thought to the issues you raised and there can be no question of the startling link between yourself and the amazing Mr.Dan Brown! Let us therefore examine the evidence:

  1. Your uncanny resemblance to Forest Gump
  2. "Fandabidozi" has been outlawed in many countries. We have to ask ourselves why? The answer, many believe, is that "Fandabidozi" is an anagram for Faod and Bizi (two well known outside caterers believed to have provided
    the arrangements for "The last supper) 
  3. Harvard is undoubtedly built on some very powerful lay lines
  4. and you instantly spotted the encrypted message in the misleading phrase "Popular children’s entertainer"

However, you have certain holes in your theories, like many, you perceive "Wee Jimmy Krankie" as a schoolboy. There is evidence however and very strong evidence at that, which supports the theory that "Wee Jimmy" was in fact a
woman. The name put forward is Janette Tough and many believe that Janette not only existed but had a husband and that a child was born to the couple, thus continuing the blood line. The child, whose name was Keith Chegwin, has
been mysteriously nurtured since by the secret sect known as "Riverdance" Of course all this is a closely guarded secret and the child’s whereabouts is uncertain, although he is thought to be alive and well, watched over secretly by a band of brave Templar Knights  “The MuskerHounds” and living in the tiny village of “Crackerjack”, where he works full time at “The Multicoloured Swapshop”  "clues" found in the beautiful and secret "Blue Peter Garden" (site of mysterious burials of dog and Tortoise remains), would appear to bear this out.

Once again, I thank you for your correspondence and I am grateful for you bringing one very important factor to my attention, namely the discovery that there is at least one articulate expat living in Sabinillas, it is always nice to know I am not alone.

Regards, The Prickly Pair

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