However, living here on the Costa del Sol, I can see how tempting and how easy it can be to be someone else. With a bit of P.R., a lot of charity dos attendances and quite a lot of bullshit I could have been a descendant from German aristocracy, my ancestors were Jews, and I could very easily become Prickly von Cohen.
But there is a trick in reinventing yourself in the first place and this is that you must inject just a tiny amount of truth, hopefully
something that appears reasonable but that cannot be easily checked.
Living on the Costa for that number of years, I have seen some incredible transformations; from some rich business mans humble bit on the side mistresses to company directors of all types of businesses, normally something of which they know nothing about, yet suddenly they seem to have studied and trained for it since childhood. Businesses that are set up with payoffs from said rich men when they were replaced by younger models or when they decided to stay with the smarter wife, as mistress was the cheaper option (no kids).
Common sense should also tell these transformers, as I call them, that if they used one organ on their bodies to get where they are, theres no point now trying to use another organ (the brain) to suddenly become the female version of Stephen Hawkins.
Some typical examples of transformations are:
- Wall painters suddenly transforming into interior designers.
- Opticians transforming into eye fashion experts.
- Women, who shopped a lot, suddenly become fashion designers just because they get a photographer, a hotel and some friends to some get together. Go on impress me! Get Kate Moss, Claudia Schaeffer or even Naomi Campbell! Not!
- The sad computer nerds changing into graphic designers.
- The cooks to Chefs.
- Some are selling second hand dresses and calling them vintage Haûte Couture.
- Others making cheap rubbish jewellery and pretending to be the Coasts answer to Cartier.
- P.R. and promotion experts thinking that getting a load of half dressed wannabe models, dressed as Rio Carnival dancers
for local beach bars means putting them in the same bracket as Saatchi & Saatchi.
- Others who started by clipping cheap photocopies together and reporting whats going on locally (usually dogs shows) and boring dinner dances for old people at golf courses in aid of dogs, suddenly become Rupert Murdocks.
- Doctors of cosmetic surgery suddenly are harmonising art and science when I thought they just sucked out as much fat
as possible or cut bits out. Well may be I am just old fashioned or not stupid or gullible.
- Somebody who can use an old fashioned camera becomes a society photographer magically up there with David Bailey. Show me your photos of real stars love, not other transformers at beach bars in the summer. Even I can do that! Still next time I see you out and about and give you that knowing wink, youll know I have transformed momentarily into being discreet as usual.
Till next month the Prickly Pair (international journalist, author, professional people watcher, artist and charity attendee).