So where is this pleasure dome?
Nestling quietly in the foothills with uninterrupted views of the magnificent countryside; Alhaurin Prison has become the favourite Hide-out of the rich and famous of Marbella. It isn’t difficult to see why Marbella’s society has decided to head inland and wait for the Heat to die down on the coast. So just what does Alhaurin Prison have to offer for the jet set?
For those used to fine cuisine and having their pick of the five star restaurants of Marbella; Alhaurin Prison’s Canteen may seem a little rustic. The set menu is probably your best option and offers a limited but wholesome choice of brown stuffs in thin gravy. You may opt to try the ‘Tray’ meal, this is quite an experience for the first time visitor to Alhaurin Prison and there are strict rules of etiquette involved, however these are usually quick and easy to pick up and there are always a few long term guests hanging around who are more than happy to explain the intricacies to you.
Once you have been served your meal it is customary to Shuffle slowly to one of the long tables, where, if you are lucky, you will find one of your former colleagues enjoying their chosen repast. However, the dining hall does become rather full at certain times of the day and you may find yourself sharing a table with some of those charming, aforementioned long term guests; this is the perfect opportunity for you to practice some of those negotiating skills for which you are so famous, and by the simple act of bartering some of your brown lumpy stuff in exchange for a much lower value potato, you can forge strong, valuable future friendships.
After your meal, why not relax over a game of Pool; here again, the tables do become very busy, so be prepared to stump up quite a lot of ‘Snout’ to secure a game; however, this can be won back if you are willing to challenge the player already on the table. Make sure you fully understand the rules before offering to make the challenge and that it is the game of Pool you are referring to; painful mistakes have occurred in the past when a new guest has offered to pot some balls without making it quite clear he meant on the snooker table.
Moving on to the evening’s entertainment, a strict dress code operates at all times and you will be expected to wear this year’s ‘must have’ suit. Colours for this season are navy or battleship grey and tailoring tends to be severe there is a distinct lack of accessories and some of the more well known members of Marbella society have been spotted sporting the rather funky ankle tag.
Materials used for this season’s “Look” include Serge and heavy cottons, colours tend to be plain, although the arrow motif will be big this season. Another must have is the new line in over the shoulder bags and
the make to look out for is ‘Swag’ most of the cream of Marbella’s society have been spotted carrying a ‘Swag’ bag over their shoulder at some stage earlier.
One major draw of Alhaurin Prison for the Beautiful people of Marbella is the peace and quiet. After years of living it up on the Costa del Sol things have finally caught up with them and for a few, the high life has left its toll; the manager of Alhaurin Prison has been overwhelmed by the popularity of the place in recent times, “we only really had a few Scrotes up till now” he said, but with all these ‘toffs’ turning up, we have had to smarten the place up a bit one area in which the place has been smartened up a bit is the introduction of a computer in the recreation lounge.
This much needed link with the outside world has made a big improvement to the lives of the guests and only last week one of the Marbella set was seen bidding on a surgical inflatable cushion on EBay. It looks as if Alhaurin Prison will be the place to go for Marbella’s socialites for some time yet.