This morning as I was buttoning my shirt a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car and the door handle came off in my hand. Now Im afraid to pee....
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. He finds a little prostitute and goes up into the room with her, draping his sailor suit across the bed. Hes goin at it as best he can for a guy his age and asks, How am I doin?
The whore says, Well, sailor, youre doing about three knots.
Whats that? he asks.
She says, Youre knot hard, youre knot in, and youre knot getting your money back!
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for YES, ITS TRUE their computer. The husband puts, Mypenis, and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, Error. Not long enough.
Why do married men gain weight and bachelors dont? The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. No! yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. For the last time, no! says the blonde.
Frustrated, the guy asks, Well, why the hell not? The blonde says, Because I wanna stay up here with you!
Two men were talking. So, hows your sex life?
Oh, nothing special. Im having Social Security sex.
Social Security sex?
Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.