Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
Thats because they already have boyfriends.
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, I just did that. So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
Teacher: Anyone who thinks hes stupid may stand up!
Nobody stands up
Teacher: Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!
Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: Ohh, Johnny you think youre stupid?
Little Johnny: No... i just feel bad that youre standing alone...
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, We have reached your destination. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said Thank you. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked What was that for?. The 3rd guy replied, Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.
Waitress: Have i kept you waiting long?
Customer: No, but did you know there are 3,296 squares on the ceiling?
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Because single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.