For instance, when is a pizza not a pizza? When itÂ’s a gourmet pizza! I kid you not; I spotted this advert by a particular posh club in Marbella for their restaurant. I was very tempted to ring up and ask their chef what is a Â‘gourmet pizzaÂ’. Is it topped with caviar or smoked
salmon? Or is it just a heap of some green garnish piled on top? Come on! WhoÂ’s falling for this c..p? A pizza is a pizza Â– a bread like base with tomato, mozzarella, and oregano.
HereÂ’s another. When is a chair not a chair? When itÂ’s a collection or a new season item or as seen in a magazine a metal framed sort of rocking chair with a piece of long haired fur fabric thrown over it, then itÂ’s from a fusion house with reference to interior design (world class). Oh! And thereÂ’s also the old avant-garde reference thrown in for good measure. I did not bother to look for the price, thatÂ’s probably
P.O.A. (probably well out of my price range). IÂ’ll stick to my rocking chair with old fur rug over it. Hey! ThatÂ’s avant-garde, is it not? And I got mine on the car boot sale for Â€5. Well, hark at me! How, before my time, avant-garde am I?
ItÂ’s like jewellery. Costume jewellery has been around for hundreds of years. But no, now everybody wants to be a jewellery designer, but not just copies of the real thing in paste. No! Even better; who needs a real gemstone when you can buy a fake from one of hundreds of up and coming designers on the Coast,especially Marbella? Just imagine! Â“Oh yes! My pretend yellow diamond, surrounded by fake rubies, surrounded by bits of common metal topped by a 10 karats imitation black diamond was designed or commissioned by Pedro J. of MarbellaÂ”. And who is Pedro J.? Now youÂ’re famous and even mentioned by the acclaimed critic on contemporary marketing Â“The Prickly PairÂ”.
But could this so Â“up your own Â“a..eÂ” attitude eventually be their downfall? Yes, when people wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak. Ask John Galliano, the fashion designer for Christian Dior, I always thought his clothes were pathetic but women would wear his garments because of his P.R and the fact that his clients have no idea and really bought this stuff because Â“itÂ’s Galliano, you know!Â” Well he is not so great now, is he luvvies? Not after his disgusting anti Semitic outbursts.
Well, now perhaps ladies, especially the Jewish ones, I bet you wish you had your outburst before him. I always said he was an ugly looking gay spiv like pathetic little man. Oh! And who know sÂ…t about fashion. IÂ’m sure he wonÂ’t mind me saying so, he is a man who likes to speak his mind. So you see donÂ’t go too far and believe your own hype.
Another service now being offered is, wait for itÂ… Â“fish that treat your feetÂ”. No joke! Apparently you put your feet in a tank and these fish sort of eat dead skin and things like that. Are they not bottom feeders? Do we really need any more of these on the Coast? I hope they donÂ’t order the wrong fish and get piranhas, what a mess that would be! Still we have enough of these on the Coast as well. What next?
Leeches for rosy cheeks?
Anyway what would we read if not these wonderful descriptions and explanations of everyday objects? The Newspapers? No thatÂ’s far too realistic.
Till next month, read on!